im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is my gift to your gina
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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