in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
