Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
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