Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
