What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
