This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
