i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
