Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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