i need an iv and a liver transplant
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
