Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
