keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize