I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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