i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
