If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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