So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
