yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
