I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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