Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
