Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
