update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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