Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
