Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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