the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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