look no pants
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
