We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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