Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
