He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
