just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
