I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
