But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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