i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
