Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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