he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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