I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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