"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
