Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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