probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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