She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
