oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
