We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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