Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
