I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
