Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
