I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
