My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
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Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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