Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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