How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're a waste of cheezeits
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
