I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
40s are totally the cure
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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