big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
