Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
