So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
