If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
