Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
