I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
