Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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