How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
