when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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