I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
