I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Welp...herpes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
