Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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