we made out on top of his cat.
i think i have two assholes
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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