We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And then he peed in my hair
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