Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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