Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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