Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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