i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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